Pearl

Super Bat Spider Daddy. My daddy. My I love you best daddy in the whole world daddy. My Christmas daddy in a white beard daddy. My Happy Birthday candles and ribbons daddy. Better than all the other daddies. My big, strong man daddy.  

 

My only man. You smile. We smile. Our secret smile. You bend. Kiss me on the cheek. I sleep for a hundred years. 

 

                    I trembled at your birth, you came 

                    Like Venus pure and without shame. 

                    My hallowed child your path was clear 

                    From that day on I lived in fear. 

 

One. Two. Three. Four. 

Ceiling tiles. White foam. 

Five. Five. Six. Seven. 

Dead fly. Light. Bright. 

 

Eight. Nine. Ten. Ten. 

Off white. Clench fists. 

Old white. Grit teeth. 

Breathe. Count. Breathe. Count. 

 

                    Your quaint honour I will guard 

                    Your purity will not be marred. 

                    The light from heaven falls like dew 

                    And strings of pearl I gift to you. 

 

Hollowed. I sit up and slide off the couch. Take care. The doctor snatches the paper before I trail it behind like a soiled train. I daren’t meet his eyes. The curtain closes. I grab my things. Water running. He’s washing his hands. I push the curtain aside. He opens the door. Pleasantries exchange. Same time next year? I leave and walk. Along the corridor. Through the tunnel. Down the aisle.  

 

Father, you gave me away a hundred years ago.